Growing Up

I came to a realization the other day.
I now understand something new
And it makes me pretty sad.
I knew that life flew by so very fast,
But I've never seen It this way before.
The future is knocking,
Pounding,
Pushing down my door.

I'm an adult,
But my mother doesn't see me this way.
In her eyes,
I'm still that little baby she held
On the vert first day.
The first day of my life.
The first page of my story

I don't have children of my own,
There is no baby of mine for me to hold.
But, with my niece and nephew,
I will be the same way.

I will always see my oldest nephew
As the little boy I took care of
While his mommy was sick.
The baby who slept in my bed,
Played my guitar,
And woke up at 3 in the morning,
Crying for me.
The two year old who tried to sing along with veggie tales,
Even though he could barely speak.

And then,
My little dinosaur lover.
The one who said he was in love with me,
And claimed that, one day, he would marry me.
He will always be
That little baby,
Laying on the floor,
The day I was forced to say goodbye.
The one who became attached to me,
The moment I came back.

And then, my niece,
My little baby girl.
The one who dresses as a princess
To go play dinosaurs.
Sitting in the backseat,
Singing her little heart out.
Knocking on my door,
In the morning around four,
Wanting me to fill her sippee cup
With just a little more.

And then the baby baby.
I was there the day he was born.
His eyes stared into mine,
As his tiny hands
Grasped my finger,
With a grip so tight,
For one so little.
I woke up every time you cried,
I changed your diapers,
Made your bottle,
And rocked you till you fell asleep,
Safe and warm,
On the chair with me.

With eyes full of wonder,
You four stole my heart.
With a fifth on the way,
I'll still spoil you all.

But here's what I realized,
Let me tell you what broke my heart.
When you are older,
After you've graduated,
And you're married,
When you have nieces and nephews of your own.
You aren't going to need me.
Not at three in the morning when you can't sleep,
You won't need me to pick out your clothes,
Or get you a drink.
The only princesses and dinosaurs
Will be for the children
You have of your own.

One day you won't need me,
And that's what breaks my heart.
But I will still be here for you,
Whenever the night is too dark.

When you are tired,
And they need you.
When you're confused,
And don't know what to do,
Once again, I will be the auntie who saves the day.

So now I want to say thank you,
To my mom and dad,
Aunts and uncles,
My grandparents,
And every family member who was there from day one.
I just want to say thank you.
Thank you,
And I'm sorry for growing up.

To My Niece and Nephews

When you were little,
I held you in my arms as you fell asleep.
I made your bottles and fed you.
I changed your diapers and clothed you.
I kept you warm and safe and healthy.
When you got older and wanted to explore,
I took you outside to see new animals
And roll the ball around.
I let you run, but kept you safe.
I picked you up when you fell,
And made your boo boo's feel all better.
When you cried,
I held you.
When you were tired and cranky,
I rocked you and sang to you.
I read you stories as you sat on my lap and pointed at pictures.
When you watched early morning cartoons with still-sleepy eyes,
I was your pillow.
When you played all day, got dirty and needed a bath,
I made sure all the dirt was washed away,
So you would be clean and ready to play when you woke up the next day.
When you were cold,
I wrapped you in blankets and held you close until you were warm again.
I brushed and braided your hair.
I picked out your clothes
And helped you tie your shoes.
I held your hand as you crossed the road
And I carried you through the store.
I've helped to keep you safe through all these years.
I've held you, kept you warm and fed you.
I've given you everything I can
And will continue to love you unconditionally.
As you grow up,
As you get older,
I hope you remember.
Remember the cartoons,
The laughs we've shared
And the tears I've wiped away.
I hope you remember the bedtime stories
And songs we've sang.
I hope you remember the hugs, the kisses
And I love you's.
I hope you remember all the little things and
As you remember, I hope you know it will never end.
I will always love you and be here for you.
You may not need me to hold your hand as you cross the road when you are older.
You may not need me to pick out your clothes,
Or blow your nose.
You may not need me to brush or braid your hair
Or carry you in the store.
But I will be here.
I will be here to talk,
I will be the shoulder you can cry on,
The listening ear,
The advice or guidance you need.
I promise you,
I will be here.
No matter what it is you need need.
And I will still love you.
Unconditionally.