The People We Use To Be

Whether it's morning, afternoon or night,
If I'm waking you up,
You want to fight.
I try to talk it out,
You shut me down,
But get upset when I don't want to talk.

What happened to the days spent texting?
The nights of phone calls past 3 am?
What happened to joking?
To looking before you react?
To "Good morning beautiful"
And "Goodnight, I love you"?

I miss the days without all the stress.
When expectations weren't unreachably high
And all the double standards didn't apply.
I miss the days when we didn't get mad,
We just thought before speaking...
And we understood.

What happened to dreaming impossible dreams?
To achieving the unachievable things?
What happened to sticking together,
Though all the odds were piled against us?

Now that we have reached our dreams,
Achieved what we set out to achieve,
Now that the odds are in our favor
And no one stands in our way,
Does that mean we must stop dreaming?
Stop setting goals to achieve?
Must we now fail apart,
Refuse to defy the odds?

What happened to the people we used to be?
And please, please tel me,
What the hell has taken over our bodies?

Afraid

You wonder why I get so upset
When you act like that.
You get mad,
You call me a smart ass.
But, honestly, you scare me.
You don't know it,
But you do.
When you do these things, even accidentally,
It reminds me of my parents,
And how they used to be.
I don't ever want to he like that
And, baby, It truly scares me.
I don't want to yell, to scream, to fight,
I don't want to cry myself to sleep
Every night.
I don't want to live in fear
Whenever you are here.
Why can't you see
What you're doing to me?
I feel like I'm losing you.
You're changing into someone
Someone I don't know
I'm losing you
And, baby, it scares me.

I Wouldn't Change a Thing

Sitting on the floor
In a room full of color,
I think about the past,
About the life I could've had.
So many things
That could've ended better.
I'm not asking for a happily ever after,
Just a childhood a little bit less
Like a Steven King novel.

Daddy, my daddy,
Why did you have to drink?
You could've stopped,
You could've waited,
You know you're violent when drunk.
Mommy and daddy,
They threw it all away.
Couldn't break through the addiction
To save their little girls from a whole lot of pain
Even on Christmas day.

18 houses in 18 years,
Always moving around,
Never staying in one place.
Just long enough to breathe.
To get a grasp on this tornado called life,
Just to have it start back up again.

Every form of abusive
From every direction.
Scared and threatened,
Becoming courageous,
Retreating into a skin so outrageous
She doesn't even recognize her self.

But if Daddy hadn't drank,
Mommy wouldn't have left him.
She wouldn't have remarried
And they never would be moved around.
If any one of these things,
Even the fight on Christmas morning,
Hadn't gone the way it did,
She wouldn't have met her Prince Charming
And wouldn't be living happily ever after.

In a story so rare,
A miracle happened.
A nightmare became a dream,
And she moved on
To do wonderful things.

Love and Pride

I promise I don't want to fight,
I don't mean to sound defensive.
In my mind,
You sound as though your attacking me,
And pride takes over my whole body.

I know I make mistakes
And I know that I am not perfect.
I only want to talk to you,
Baby, I promise, you're worth it.

The arguments
The fights
It seems like they happen all the time.
I just want it to go away.

I don't mean to make you angry,
I never meant to hurt you.
I hope you believe me,
When I tell you that I am so, so sorry.

There's a reason I never tell you,
Why I try not to let you know,
Just how much you've hurt me.
I promise, you don't want to know.

I know you didn't mean to,
That's why I don't hold it against you.
I know you love me
And want the best for me,
Just know, I want the same for you.

I've said it before,
But I can't say it enough.
Baby, I love you.
I love you so much.

Prisoner

Not everyone knows,
So few can see
The connection between my past
And this new me.

Not much has changed,
To you, I am the same.
But my reflection tells me otherwise.
I don't even recognize my own name.

I miss the lack of insecurity,
I miss the confidence in me.
I miss the days, so long ago,
Without anxiety.

I want to breathe,
To feel unconstrained.
I want to know
It is not these things by which I am defined.

But I cannot know that,
I cannot breathe.
For it is not so,
In your mind, it does define me.

I wish there was some magic cure,
I don't want to live this way.
I am a prisoner of my own mind
And know your love is the only way
I will survive.

Lessons from a Fifteen Year Olds Facebook

All of the following were taken off of my little sisters Facebook. It's amazing what you can learn from pictures shared by a 15 year old.

1. Find humor in the seemingly humorless.

     Yes, even triangles can shine a little light in your otherwise dreary school/work day. A good sense of humor can go a long way.

2. All relationships have problems.

    It's true. Even if you love someone, you will eventually fight over something. Whether its where to eat or what to do with the next 50 year's, there will be something. You will hurt each other like no one else can. You will argue. You will get jealous. However, you will trust that person more than anyone else and you will endure any and everything necessary to ensure that they are happy and safe. Because they are worth it. Your relationship is worth it. And, if they are the one, nothing will come between you.

3. Don't interrupt.

Although, you should take the headphones out and join the human race once in a while.

4. Everyone likes sleep.

Not everyone can get it when they want it.

Insomnia sucks.

 

5. Be careful what you post.

Once something is on the internet, you can never truly get rid of it. No one wants their future boss or college professor to see that picture of you at 14 with a bottle of alcohol in your hand. Even if it is just filled with water and posted to make yourself look good to your friends. Be careful. Or be embarrassed. Your choice.

6. Rocks can be shaped like elephant.

Point proven.

7. Your cat isn't just your best friend...

He/she can also be your personal butt-blanket.

8. There are hidden beaches.

And, chances are, you will never go there.

9. Girls can actually be very simple creatures.

At times.

10. Anime.

That is all.

11. All you need is love.

Which can be shown by watching Netflix and cuddling.

12. Sweet potatoes are better for you than regular potatoes.

And they taste good.

13. And last, but certainly not least: 

There is someone who will see all of your so-called imperfections and call them beautiful.